One Day One Time

I woke up feeling blessed today.  That is unusual for me.  Not to say I’m not grateful for my life and situation.  Believe me I am.  But for some reason I’ve had this gnawing feeling in the back of my brain this last month or so.  It could be the holidays most likely it just my “bent” brain that needs scratching.

I have been trying to reach that itch, but I haven’t been able to until today.  And I don’t think I scratched it. But it’s gone.  Thank you. 

That being said.  It hit me this morning again.  You know that dumb questions.  Why are you here?  Oh, that one you say.  Yep!  So, I rolled it around a little bit in the back or my addled brain.  When I was writing the Bend, “to help people rolled out on the floor”.   And of course, I picked it up and said, I know that.  Then, try harder to help people.  Tell people a little about yourself.  Your addiction.  Your spirituality. Open up you coward.  And  I said, you know what I will.  And there you go. 

Here we go.  I tend to be the most additive person you will ever meet.  There is not an addiction that I do not enjoy.   And I can get addicted to just about anything.  I’ve never been diagnosed. But I’m OCD with not only capitals with add emphasis.  Addiction should have been my middle name instead of Glyn. And I was never happy with that spelling my parents chose for Glyn.  I really don’t know why.  It looks like I need to buy a vowel Alex.  No, that’s the Jeopardy guy.  Sorry, for your loss.  Pat.  Can I buy an E?  No? Figures.  But I digress.  It seems I use humor to “mask’ my feelings.  And we will not talk about freaking masks.

That’s another “baring of the soul”.  Where was I?   No, I just try to mix in little humor with my coffee.  Another addiction I might add.  Since I’m not working now.  I drink it all day.  And of course, I smoke cigarettes.  Please don’t close out your browser.  I’m not smoking at the moment. 

I know they will kill you.  My children are grown I’m single by choice.  Just me.  It doesn’t take much to make me happy although most of my life people described me as hard to please.  Not  to mention stubborn as a mule, narrow minded, etc.  Some even said you never quit.  And I’ve never seen anyone who would like you. Do not tell Roger to do anything, he will break his neck not to do it.  And of course, mom, I believe you would cut off you nose to spite your face.  And she was correct.  But if you tell someone that for long enough they will become that way.  Do you agree?  Because I’m living proof.  Now I’m not throwing mom under the bus.  I did that a long time ago.  And I made amends for that.   She did the absolute best job she could with the knowledge she had been exposed and learned.  In fact, she did a fantastic job.  Being as her husband died at 43.  He left her with two children, a 15-year daughter and a son 14 days away from being three.  I can’t remember the man at all.  My only memory is an Uncle holding me up to view Dad in the casket.  I asked my Uncle when Daddy was going to wake up.  He had been sent to the Pacific Theatre in WWII.

So early on as a child I learned that I could get my way with women.  My sister was more like a mom.  She got married when I was six.  So that just left me and mom.  Of course, I never went without food and clothes.  I wasn’t beaten although I regularly got the switch or a belt.  It was the times and that’s just the way it was back then.  And back then wasn’t that damn long ago either.  You know I say that, but it was. 

Because I can’t remember what I was like back then.  I look back and think about when I was 27 for example.  I can remember an event and what I did and for the most part why I did it.  But I really don’t know that person that made those decisions.  Who was that young man?  Who the hell was I.  How could I live that way.  But I did.  So, I had to say to myself, self,  things have got to change.  Something is not working.

I wasn’t always that way.  I remember saying I’ll never change.  One thing I’ve learned the hard way.  Never say never.  You’ll eat that word every time.  Don’t believe.  Email when you do.  I’ll bet you a coke you will or a $100.  Make it light on yourself.

Btw, gambling another addiction I played with. How’d that work out for ya?  Not to good.  At the time there were other addictions clamoring for my precious decision making.  Are you sure?  I don’t know I can’t decide.  Things like that may have affect my gambling addiction ability.  Who is to say?

But when you are binge drinker as I was, it’s a safe bet. LOL  I would drink for 4-6 six day in a row.  I’m serious.  And I did not drink beer or wine unless I had too.  I drank Jim Beam whiskey straight all day, all night until I passed out.  The first think upon waking.  Search for the bottle, find, drink, over the sink, in case it comes back up.  I mean really you don’t want to waste good whiskey, do you?  Nope.  Make a pot of coffee.  Smoke 5-10 cigarettes drink a pot of coffee, take a Norco, if I had one.  Or whatever other chemical I could get me hands on and so forth.  Routine is a powerful thing.  Then off the to the restaurant or restaurants.  Or whatever venture I was into.  But number one on the to do list was drink.  Period.  It took priority over everything.  Now don’t get me wrong.  I wasn’t living on the street.  I was not beating my wife abusing my children.  Or was I?  No, not physically. 

But mentally absolutely.  You give what you got.  And I did.  No, mom did not drink.  She would sip a class of Morgan David wine once every three months or so.  But mom had other issues.  She was a perfectionist.  A hypochondriac hooked on prescription drugs, and the most negative person  I’ve ever met if you had to live her.  I love her dearly.  But those are the facts.  And she made me the person I am. 

The strongest person I know.  A person who never quits on life.  And a person who never quits on a friend or a loved one.  But it took a while let me tell you.   She was hard on me when I was young.  But when I reached my teens it was all over.  I was going to do what I wanted too.  And I did.  When I got drunk at 14 baby the party was on.  Groovy!

They say the worm always turns they say.  I have a witness.  Yes. Sir could you tell me if that worm turned.  It did it turned into a cobra and you don’t want to know what happened next.  Let’s just say it called a moment of “clarity”.  Thank you for that one.  So, between me and someone else I been able to overcome some of my addled brain.  Somewhat. Sometimes.

But there always a new brain addle around somewhere.  You remember I told you I could be just a little be addictive.  And for the longest time I would seem to find them.  Dang it I had when that happens.  Me too.  But I keep fighting and kicking.  But you know a person is the way he is.  So now I’m addicted to collecting things.  I collect most anything.  It’s pretty spooky sometime.  A friend of mine tells everyone.  If you need something anything, I guarantee he’ll have it.  Then damn thing is he’s right.

Now I’m collecting words.  It’s my favorite.  I went to college to be a CPA.  I didn’t graduate college because I had a good job making awesome money and knew everything already at 25.  I don’t get it Big Dan.  Me either.  But that’s me in all my glory.  Stupid.

I guess that’s enough for now.  But let me say this.  What I had to do was get to know myself.  I had to ask myself why I am so fucked up.  And the reason?  My homelife as a child.  The television shows, movies, the games I played and the music I listened to all contributed.  Add to that the bad choices I made coupled with the fact I was a self-centered ego maniac with low self esteem all led to a high dive into the ocean of hell.  How do you like me now?  I know honesty seems to be the hardest word.  But I’m still standing. 

The bottom line?  There is no bottom line this time.  Only lines drawn in the sand.  Each day is one day at a time.  Not that I’m struggling but it’s an attitude I have tried to develop.  If I ask myself do I have everything I need today to have a good day.  Most of the time I do.  So, I try to take it easy and not worry about stupid shit.  Because in the end it’s all stupid shit anyway.  Do you agree?  Give it some time.  One day at a time.  You’ll be here before  you know it.  Thanks for listening.  RGH

Life

Life is a board game.

Life is never the same.

Life sometimes maims.

Life may shame.

Life will defame.

Life is just a pen name.

Life is never lame.

Life is death they claim.

Life is better lived  untamed.

Life does not blame.

Life is finding your twin flame.

Life is one sexy grande dame.

Life forever is my aim.

Life today emulates a video game.

Life is what you think, I proclaim.

Life wants us all in the Hall of Fame.

Life I love I exclaim.

Life I authored this work below is this writer’s name.

@purplehayes

11-28-2020

Imagine That

You just never know.

You think you know the words.

You plan the perfect thing to say.

You change it over and over.

You finally, finally, have it.

The perfect thing to say.

You rehearse it over and over.

You are ready.

For the moment you meet them.

Again.

And it never happens.

You give up.

You move on.

Then life stops.

And out of the blue.

A miracle happens.

YOU CHANGE.  YOU!

And you say the most beautiful words in the universe.

Who knew it would be a country song?

How do you like me now? 

Imagine that!

RGH/WB

Spell Binding

Spell Binding

That is how I would describe it.  That feeling of knowing everything is perfect.  That feeling of peace.  That feeling of immortality.  Who would have thought gluing sentences together would give ME that feeling.  It absolutely makes me feel like I could give a life of magical abundance to someone, somewhere, somehow. 

So, I just shared a feeling to you for you.  Would you like to share? Is that what we are all looking for after all? Immortality? Look at the words.

Spell binding

How do you feel?

What’s in your Wallet? Mine?

A spell binding tale of immortality.

A Kindle exclusive.

BY:

RGH

9-11-2020

Thrills

You say the thrill is gone.

You say your thrill, is only to taste ripple.

You say your thrill is undeniable.

You say your thrill, is accepting they were right, only pain.

Your say your thrill, is that aging killed your taste for desires.

Your say your thrill, is waiting.

You say your thrill, is dying.

I say, wait alone while I breathe infinite life, quitter.

RGH/GLF

9-7-2020

Soul Thriller

She was a soul thriller.

She was a soul killer.

Waiting to happen.

I unleashed the killer.

It must be my nature.

I bring out the best.

In women.

Always have.

She said I bring out the worst.

In everything.

Empowerment misused.

Energy stolen.

She was a misuser.

She became a soul killer.

She is still a soul thriller.

RGH

8-16-2020

The Street

I see the blood,
In the street.
I feel the pain,
In the street.
I see the truth,
In the street.
I feel the past,
In the street.
I see the future,
In the street.
I feel the creep of emotion,
In the street.
I see we have learned nothing,
In the street.
I feel the blood,
In the street.

RGH/JWL
8-26-2020

You Still Light My Fire

You can’t take love out of the heart.
You can take you, away from me.
You can move. You can remarry.
But, you can’t stop my heart from loving you.
Even though it’s been over two decades.
I know you must feel.
The love in my heart. And my soul.
Why else would we still connect?
Because your heart knows.
Because you heart feels…
The love in me for you.
Because you still light my fire….

RGH
8-24-2020

Survive

I WILL DO WHAT I NEED TO DO TO

SURVIVE.

Ah, you doubt?

Because that’s what I DO!

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS

I WILL SURVIVE.

A THOUSAND LIVES….

PROVES IT.

SO DOUBT…

BECAUSE I HAVE CLOUT!!!!

RGH/JCH

8-20-2020

 

Let It All End


America's #1 Trusted Source to Gov't Car Auctions

What do you do when the magic is gone?

When you are out of aces.

Passion is gone for life.

Nothing makes sense.

Quitting is the only option.

You are at your lowest.

Your heart breaks for another.

You realize it was all for naught.

Everyone believes you were at fault.

And you let them.

But you know the truth.

But they do not want the truth.

They know you were to blame.

Because you were always the problem.

Weren’t you?

So you’ll just bite the bullet.

And let it all end.

RGH/GLF

2-16-2020

Sad Songs

Sad songs make me think of you.
And they make me feel blue.
You made me feel whole.
And captured my soul.
I must pretend.
That this pain will end.
So I sit and list to the sad songs.
Sometimes I sing along.
I really don’t have a clue.
But I know I still love you.

RGH
8-23-19