Being from the south (Alabama) I was thinking about words and phrases you might here only in the south.
So I wrote this using some of them. Hope you enjoy it.
What in tarnation are you doing? I’m fixin’ to go over yonder and get me a coke. It’s hotter than hades and I’m sweating like a sinner in church. I’ll be back directly. Well give me some sugar. I reckon that tickles me pink.
On second thought you need to sit down and eat. It’s supper time. And I ain’t just whistlin Dixie. Let’s say the blessing first. Well, I’ll declare.
Dear Lord bless this food to the nourishment of our body. I pray for granddaddy who recently passed on. He wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but we loved him. He’d probably still be kicking if he hadn’t drank all that shine. You can’t do that at 80. When they found him they thought he was playing possum, but he was deader than a door nail. I guess he was happier than a dead pig in the sunshine for awhile, cause he still had a smile on his face. Anyhow, bless him Lord.
He was mad cause they wouldn’t let him sing at church. He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it. Forgive us when we’ve sinned. Amen.
You know son, you just ain’t right. Aw shucks! Let’s eat. Fine and dandy.